Complaints for 2014

While the bitter cold polar vortex exposes our softness and inability (or unwillingness?) to deal with extreme weather situations, I have noticed something about 2014. In the first four weeks of the year, I've heard and seen more complaints about more things than I think I heard and saw in 2013. I could be remembering this wrong, or maybe I just blew off last year's litany of various complaints so quickly that they didn't sink in. I even mentioned to my man last week how often people seem to be complaining in various venues and for various reasons and I wondered why. He said it is our nature to complain - something about survival skills and not wanting to settle - getting our species off the plains and into heartier abodes and such.

Well, then.

In the spirit of moving the species forward, I give you a list of complaints to last all year. Let's use these as motivation to improve ourselves. Did I miss any?

It's too cold!
There's too much snow!
My (insert body part) hurts!
My (insert product) stopped working/needs repaired!
I'm broke!
I'm jealous of (insert name)!
(Insert situation) isn't fair!
It's raining!
It's too hot!
It's too dry!
It's too humid!
(Insert publication) is subjective and publishes crap (because they rejected me)!
I'm bored!
My (insert space) is a mess!
I'm not having fun!
I'm disappointed!
I can't lose weight!
I can't gain weight!
But, I don't know how to (insert activity)!
But, it'll cost so much to (insert activity)!
But, I don't want to (insert expectation)!

That seems like a broad enough range to get started. In an effort to be more proactive, here are some suggested responses to these complaints that should result in forward movement/progress and possibly (gasp!) lead to changing the situation that we find intolerable enough to complain about:

Complaint: It's too cold!
Solution: Wear layers, invest in winter outwear that actually keeps you warm (scarf, hat, mittens, warm boots, etc.) Spend as little time as possible outside and just get to where you're going. And yes, this applies to all ages.

Complaint: (Insert publication) is subjective and publishes crap (because they rejected me)!
Solution: Of course (publication) is subjective. When you create anything that didn't exist before, people will judge its quality and appeal. That publication's editor judged your piece as a bad fit for their agenda...so what? Send it elsewhere. Don't let one rejection paralyze you or make you quit. Send that piece to five or six publications (and accumulate five or six rejections) before revising it. Maybe your work doesn't suck. Maybe it just didn't fit. Rejection is part of our world. Suck it up, buttercup.

Complaint: It's too dry!
Solution: Buy a humidifier. Drink more water. Use lotion.

Complaint: But, I don't want to (insert expectation)!
Solution: Then don't. Just stop. If this is part of your job and it is a required activity, suck it up, buttercup. If you can't stand that aspect of your job, figure out a way to change it or go find a new job. If you can't change that aspect and actually enjoy the rest of the job, just do it, do it as quickly as possible, and focus on the more pleasant aspects. If this is something that someone in your personal life expects you to do, have the difficult conversation and address the issue directly so that person knows you don't like it and you can work together to seek alternatives.

The next time you feel a complaint rising in your throat, pause and take a breath. Try to imagine what the answer might be for you - a complaint means something is wrong. And you really DO have the power to change most situations by taking action. ;)

Hand talker

She grabbed my wrists and stood in front of me, all five feet of her, white puff of hair, color-blocked shirt, and sugar smile.

"If your hands were cut off, would you still be able to talk?"

I've heard variations of this insult/criticism/observation since I was a kid. My parents used to chastise me for being too exuberant and physically expressive with my hands when I spoke.

"No one will see your face or hear what you say, they'll be so distracted by your hands waving around," they would admonish.

I'm used to it.

I tried for several years to stop using my hands when speaking extemporaneously and found, instead, that the effort to suppress my physical form also suppressed my thoughts as they formed. Result: I spoke less.

In a world that doesn't value confident, assertive, and knowledgeable female voices, it occurs to me after this latest experience that the real criticism embedded in such statements is this:

"Be quiet. Be calm. Your exuberance, enthusiasm, and confidence intimidate me. You should be more measured, more controlled, quieter in voice and movement, so that I am more comfortable in your presence. You're a woman. Behave the way society wants you to behave."

Of course, when I speak in more formal podium-type settings, I stand and hold the podium and follow carefully crafted notes, but in almost every other public or private speaking situation, from the classroom to the coffee shop, from the dock to the dining room, I embrace my natural exuberance that expresses itself physically. I reject suppression and let my hands punctuate my words because that is more comfortable for me.

I am a hand talker.
I have the right to express myself the way that I want.
I will not be suppressed.