What I learned from Paris Hilton

Isn't it amazing when you're a faculty member of a university that the emails and the work don't actually stop when you're "off" for the summer? Sigh. (Somebody please tell the people who think we only work nine months a year.)

ANYwho...on to today's non-academically-related post (because my motivation for doing anything "work-related" has hit an all-time low...I'm still waiting for my "summer" and thus, my "break," to start):

What I learned from Paris Hilton.

1. When problems arise, run to Mom.

2. If you must make your own lunch, be a slob, make a mess, and wait for Mom or the maid to clean it up.

3. When someone else decides to help you out of a jam by letting you stay with them, redecorate their home without asking and be sure the walls are replete with your image so they know how much their help means to you.

4. No amount of danger or weirdness can prevent you from going out to dance and drink the night away.

I am 11 minutes into the first episode of The World According to Paris and I'm already dumber as a result. But the researcher in me insists that I stick with it and press on. There may be some other truly enlightening and life-altering facts buried in the remaining 33 minutes. After all, there must be some amazing intellectual gold here or Oxygen wouldn't have agreed to give Paris her own show, right?.......Right?!

5. Being spoiled, rich, and privileged means you can look down on everyone who isn't you and when you screw up, you have the right to expect other people to do your work for you.

6. Community service work is a joke.

7. Ill-behaved, spoiled, privileged chihuahuas are incredibly destructive dogs.

8. Being super-rich means never having to think, work, or apologize.

Twenty-one minutes into the episode and I'm beginning to realize that Paris has no redeeming qualities. I'm a fan of giving people a chance, so I thought it was possible that this show was designed to help the public see what a normal, relatable person Paris is. The opening tag line leads you to believe that she has a great life, but gosh-darn-it, it's not always easy for this poor little famous rich girl. At the halfway point of this first episode, I have yet to see anything in her life that isn't easy for her. She is almost 30 years old and has the maturity and intellectual depth of a 12 year old. How does anybody watch this on a regular basis??

9. If you are famous for being famous, you should complain that people follow you because you're famous...and then strike your most insincere and hypocritical pose while not doing anything to deflect that attention.

10. Art that you don't understand or appreciate should be mocked as "weird."

11. Sincerity is overrated and unnecessary.

This show is nothing but mindless drivel that is laced with negative messages and the people who take it seriously need to be careful that they don't internalize the above lessons. Or perhaps this show contributes to the unending volume of ill-behaved individuals roaming our streets and store aisles. I am certain that each episode contains similar gems of "wisdom" and the more impressionable among us are susceptible to the influence of such ideas.

Television can be quite useful and even educational while also being entertaining...however, this show has none of these qualities. What a complete waste of time. Shame on the Oxygen network for broadcasting this twaddle.