I really shouldn't give this any more validity by blogging about it...but....but....it's too good. I can't help myself.
And for no other reason than...wait for it....their guy lost the presidential election (heavens to mergatroid! What do you MEAN that there's a winner AND a loser?! I thought we lived in a world where EVERYONE is a WINNER?!)
Talk about sore losers.
And sour grapes.
And bad spellers.
But I digress.
In reality, this is pure ridiculousness, which is why it really doesn't deserve anyone's time or attention, least of all the President's...and yet:
White House to Review Online Secession Petitions
...thus proving two things. One, President Barack Obama is much kinder and gentler than I am. Two, these Tea Party nuts are so arrogant as to waste our leader's time with their bad spelling, irritating fearfulness, and irrational anger. I, for one, have had about enough.
Hence, my modest proposal.
I'm a fan of proactivity. If you can see a problem coming, either get out of the way, or eliminate it.
In this case, I suggest we jump ahead of the Secdee-ers and instead of waiting for the President and his staff to wade through their endless stream of diarheaa of the brain...let's just kick them out. Not the states, just the people who signed those petitions. Let's be honest. They wouldn't be missed.
Their own leaders aren't even with them:
Conservative leaders reject secession talk
Texas Governor Rick Perry doesn't approve
Let's give them the southeast corner of Montana (in the Glendive area) and the Black Belt of Alabama. Or maybe Martha's Vineyard. (Hey, if I really wanted to be cruel, I could have suggested the southwest corner of Texas!) We'll grant refugee status to anyone living in these zones and federally-funded $5,000 stipends to help with moving expenses. And then, once these portions are empty, these secessionists can trek in with their tents, guns, Bibles, bad attitudes, and lack of birth control and go to town.
It's a good idea, don'tcha think? That way the rest of us will no longer have to see them, hear them, or deal with them. Until they beg for our government's help when a disaster strikes. Or they need food. Or electricity. (You didn't think the EU is going to come to these idiots' aid, did you?) They'll be out of our system (which is what they want) and we get slightly less traffic, slightly more jobs, many freed-up homes for sale, and a more balanced and sane electorate. Of course, we'll lose a great source of entertainment and meme-generation, but I'm willing to give that up to stop the madness.
Maybe I'll start a movement: Kick Out the Secdee-ers! Kick 'Em Out, Kick 'Em Out, Waaaayyy Out!
Who's with me? Maybe we could petition the President and ask HIM to kick them out. Because he doesn't have anything better to do right now. Clearly.
2 comments:
Thank you, A.Mo. I needed this. :) One of my greatest (and most irrational) political fears is that our country will become so rhetorically divided that we'll one day become physically divided as well. I already have plans for when/if my state decides to break from the union: I'm bringing my husband and brood, and we're going to seek sanctuary with you for a while. ;)
In all seriousness, though, you're right. This deserves nobody's attention, least of all the President's. But good on him and his staff for being willing to follow through with the requirements to review online petitions. At least now they can't say, "Well, he didn't even follow the rules because he obviously hates us." Maybe this will indicate that the President really is looking for a more bipartisan approach to handling the concerns of his nation. If he's willing to give the nutjobs time to voice their concerns, then he's probably willing to give the floor to others as well.
Well, the AL Blackbelt is very...black (read: inhabited by Black people), so I don't know how that leg of the proposal would work out. Lol. Seriously, if they want to get out, "deuces."
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