"What do you want for Christmas," my boyfriend of almost 22 months asked me tonight on the phone. "I need some ideas."
"An oven mitt," says I.
"A what?"
"Oven mitt. I need a nice, new oven mitt."
I wasn't kidding. We spent the most recent weekend baking holiday cookies and I almost burned my fingers several times because my oven mitt is as old as I am. Ok, maybe not THAT old, but I bought it several states and several careers and several relationships ago, so that's too old. And threadbare. So, yes. I need a new oven mitt.
But that's not what he really wanted to know. He has ideas already, but wants to get me something I really want, something that is sweet and meaningful, and not wholly practical (like a bathroom floor...I tried that, too).
"Ok," says I, "Then get me something sweet and romantic and not at all practical."
"Thing is," says he, "whenever I've bought jewelry in the past, I always feel robbed. And you don't wear jewelry."
As I've said before, I repeated, "There is only one piece of jewelry I really want from you that I would wear all the time and that isn't happening anytime soon, so please don't buy me jewelry that you aren't going to feel good about and I'm not going to wear."
The conversation progressed to gifts purchased for our folks, friends, and me teasing him proudly about my gifts for him, which are undeniably awesome ;).
"The thing is, honey, what I need is for this tree in my back yard to go away. I need a renovated bathroom. I need a new laundry room floor. And myriad other jobs that you are already going to help me with. I have everything I want. I really don't need more stuff."
I fully realize what a quandary this puts him in. Any man in this position has a difficult task - what to get when your woman is super-practical, doesn't like frilly/fluffy/sparkly stuff, and owns more than enough books, candles, bed linens, etc. What to do when you want to be sweet, romantic, and useful in the gift department?
Realizing this, as the conversation went on, I thought about it and offered two more suggestions.
"You know what I love? Travel. Take me somewhere. I love traveling and having adventures and especially doing these things and making memories with you. So take me somewhere as a gift. It doesn't have to be a two-week extravaganza. Just a weekend away doing something fun. Or get us tickets to something. Or a class we can share together."
He asked me if I still wanted to see Trans-Siberian Orchestra. He had mentioned to me previously that he has never seen them live. I have and raved about the show I saw years ago in DC. So of course I'd love to see them! He's going to try and get tickets tomorrow for Friday's show in Philly. I said, "That can be your gift, honey."
He said, "One of many."
Before we said our "sweet dreams, talk to you tomorrow," I said, "I thought of something else you can give me."
"What's that?"
"Write me a letter. I write you lots of letters. You haven't written me one in a long time. I love that kind of thing. So write me a letter. That would be a wonderful gift."
"Let me think about it."
I feel for the guy, I do. I'm not an easy woman to buy for. He's bought me tools, gifted me his physical labor, time, and expertise, helped me survive numerous unforeseen obstacles in homeowning and landlording, and I am an independent woman with all of my own stuff. And I don't wear jewelry, which is, I believe, a default "sweet, thoughtful, romantic" category. I'm hard to buy for. And I know I'm not the only woman in this position with men who love us having no idea what to do around the holidays.
So I say without irony or snark or derision, if all he gives me is a heartfelt letter, the TSO tickets, and an oven mitt, I will be very happy. Because he has already given me the greatest gift I could have possibly expected - his heart. And that is worth more to me than all of the jewels in the world.
What is your favorite gift to receive from the person who loves you?
2 comments:
When Robert and I were still dating, he got me season tickets for the Tavern for my birthday. It was a sweet and generous gift, but it also required that we go to the Tavern once a month. There were some months when we just couldn't make the commitment--either funds were too tight to justify a four-hour roundtrip drive or our grad school schedules wouldn't cooperate. He never renewed those season tickets.
My favorite Christmas present he ever got me was my engagement ring...which is a bit obvious. But if I really think about another one, my next favorite was when he gave me a bunch of fantastic camera filters for my very first Mother's Day. I have a lot of fun playing with them, they are entirely unrelated to my job or studies, and they also help me take really beautiful pictures of our daughter. Every time I use them, I think of him.
There does come a point, though, when receiving gifts becomes a lot more practical and a lot less frivolous. (At least, I've found that to be true.) This year, I made a wish list on Amazon and filled it with things that I actually do need/want (because I need them and can't afford them or won't buy them myself). Otherwise, I honestly have a difficult time coming up with ideas to give people. There are times I just want to say, "Pay attention when I point something out in the store or on a commercial!" Ah well. ;)
This is the question I've been facing for at least the last month, and unfortunately for T, my answers have been pretty much the same as yours. I scroll through those manufactured lists of "gifts for her" and wonder, "Who buys this stuff?" I know there are plenty of women out there who want jewelry, expensive handbags, and other glittery, frilly, pretty things for Christmas, but I'm just not one of them. Usually I get some kind of electronic device, but I'm pretty well set there now, so that doesn't leave a lot of options.
This year I ended up asking for several relatively expensive art books and Chris Ware's Building Stories just because those were the only books I could think of that I probably wouldn't spend the money to get myself. No matter how large my library grows, books will probably always be the safest (and most loved) option. It's just too bad I always have to pick them out myself!
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